Yesterday Jameson and I celebrated our one year anniversary. One year. One milestone in a hopeful future of many. And while it seems that time has flown so quickly, this one year was filled to the brim with happenings and memories. It's been a wonderful first year of marriage, inspiring me to mull over the meaning of marriage, or better yet, what it has meant to me, what it has meant to us....
marriage is never being alone; maybe alone in a physical sense, but always filled with emotional contentment of a constant companion. a friend in all settings. a wing man, confidant, side kick, and partner. what did I ever do before I had a permanent attachment to my side. how did I spend my daily thoughts. who did I think of. who did I cook for, clean for, and fix my hair for. social events, sporting events, who did I go with, who did I long to spend my time with.
marriage is learning about yourself. a continual mirror in front of you, seeing yourself through the eyes of someone else. learning your faults. seeing your character flaws through someone who loves you...in spite of those flaws. being with someone who challenges you to right those faults. having a constant motivation to be a better person. hopes. dreams. aspirations. constantly thinking of ways to better self and better the relationship.
marriage is patience. lessons and lessons about patience. no one told me that beforehand. we have learned so much. still learning. we learned to listen to each other. talk. yell. vent. laugh. patience with having the best and the worst roommate. toilet seat always up..still. odd habits. drippy, wet carpet after a shower. stinky clothes. so sweaty. opposing body temps, I'm always cold he is always hot. always. obsessive compulsive tendencies; everything must be a certain way. constantly checking me. going behind me. oldest sibling complex. yet so kind. makes the bed everyday. keeps the ice bucket full. wants to help with laundry. follows me around the kitchen while I'm making dinner so he can tell me about his day. follows me around the house. always under foot...but so sweet. sets up the tv trays. gets the refills. always pumps gas. opens my door. loads the car. carries my luggage.
marriage is immediate family. immediate and exhaustive inclusion in the lives of seemingly complete strangers. but yet not strangers at all. mom, dad, siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, second cousins, childhood friends, neighborhood friends, have I known you three years, or have I known you my entire life. the line becomes blurred. how amazing to be loved simply because I love him.
marriage is a new level of security. secure with oneself. secure with the shared goals and dreams of a future together. a level of comfort I've never known. judgement is rare. ability to be open, share opinions, thoughts, concerns without rebuke. embarrassing moments don't seem so embarrassing anymore. telling stories and secrets with complete confidence that they will never be leaked to others. sharing moments and memories that will always be special to just us, no one else. learning the inner workings of the other person. learning what makes him tick, what angers him, what soothes him, what motivates him. a look from across the room that says a thousand words. but I'm the only one who understands them. a secret language; a language of understanding, intimacy, and comfort. security.
marriage is love. a new love. a different love than familial and friend love. deep. consuming. ever-present. there may be annoyance, anger, fights, unkind words, days when patience and sanity are tested. but love is always there. no fight is big enough to defeat the love. love is the thread that holds together the fabric of a marriage. it is the essence. it embodies itself in daily reminders: a glance. a kiss on the forehead. holding hands during church. holding the door for me. caring for my family. hugging my niece. asking about my day. passing the salt before I ask for it. being a good friend.
My Best Friend.
